First rains

So they came a little early to take away the heat and the humidity.
I keep saying how I hate rains and getting wet. I hate the feeling when my clothes smell, the towels never dry up fully and the way it rains in Pune you can't go out if you don't have a car.
But rains do remind me of a simpler and happier time when as kids we used to go out on the streets and just puddle jump and enjoy. When there were no tensions of future and none of the people around you judged you.
The water used to get logged in our colony and we sailed our paper boats in it.
I remember the feeling when I used to get up in the morning and it was still raining and I would make excuses of not getting ready for school and some of those rainy day half day chhuttis in school.
We did not have a car and mom used to wrap me in raincoat and I used to just squish between dad and her on the scooter.
Mom made pakoras and you could eat as much as you like without worrying about getting fat and stomach getting upset. I remember how me, my dad and mom used to sit in the balcony watching other people run here and there in the rains.
How I wish I could get those times back, just for a little while.

Same old same...

This is not the first time I'm going through a time like this. A lot of things are not going right.
It is clear now that I only post on my blog when I'm feeling like this.
I moved back to this place which I thought I liked. Turns out, it is not like before. So much has changed.
Professional slack is just nor ready to end.
Also learned that people will diligently pursue relationships only till the point it is convenient to do so.
And people will give you all sorts of advise.
Thank God I don't have a problem with spending time with myself.
I try and not share my feelings with people but I can't help but feel this pain and need to let it out somewhere.

Hope the phase passes soon. And hope to be less emotional from now on.

The big M

All your life your parents kept warning you about it.
As soon as your grew up that was the one thing everyone around you was worried about.
Now I know why.
It's difficult to live with someone 24X7, to put up with their crankiness, good mood, bad mood, idiosyncrasies and everything.
Yes, I'm talking about Marriage. It's hard to handle one.

P.S. - But, it's totally worth the pain :)

wtf!

Every now and then I get a feeling... What am I doing with my life.
I never dreamt that I would end up the way I have. It was not at all in the picture.
The worst part is I am supposed to be thankful for the things that I do have and not crib about those I don't.

But just once in a while I want to scream and cry and mourn over what my life has become.

(I know it's not bad, it's just not way I had imagined it to be; EVER)

Solitary

So I am in THE GREAT United States again and I really appreciate so much about this country but the bottom line is I feel lonely here.
I have always been alone here and I hate that feeling.
I miss my country despite of all the bad things about it and because of the fact that all the people that I love, live in it.

I MISS INDIA :((

Cry baby ME

Its been more than five months since I got married. Life has not changed very much but that is only because my husband and I are not living together still.
I crib about it to my husband everyday and then feel guilty for saying all those things to him.
Yes, this has pretty much been my routine in the past five months.
Actually, I am an eternal pessimist and when I don't see things happening I panic.
My patience level is very low and I cannot keep things that are disturbing me inside of me. The only thing is the person who has to face the music is my poor husband.
I would like to take this opportunity through this post to apologize to him for all the hard time that I have given him and to tell him that I love him and trust him that he will make things alright very soon.

I'm sorry 'U' :(

One thing I learned from Edward Scissorhands

You know you love that person, but you also know that you can hurt them.
You know it would be difficult for you to live without them, but when you know you are not good for them, for the sake of the love that you feel for them, just let them go.

There is a chance that if you keep trying you might be able to make it work one day, but think about the number of times you will make that person miserable in that time.

It might be hard but it's better to just let go once and for all, keep the happy memories in your heart forever, accept that it was just not meant to be; and believe that they will always remember you "when it snows" :)